I'm not going to lie, but I have attempted to write this at least 15 times.
At first about 5 weeks ago I was worried about upsetting someone or maybe even everyone. I didn't want to sound angry but I wanted to share what I had learn't or disturb the peace. For me this is just part of my process. I love to share with you my lessons so you can learn from them to.
So the first draft of this I left filed away, then when i read it back. guess what? It was angry and it was full of low vibe energy. Luckily for you this is not the case with version 16. This version isn't about mud slinging. It's about empowerment for others and finding strength when those closest to you hurt you the most.
Buckle up because it's going to get deep...
My relationship with my mother has always been a tough one, and one I have tried to write about many times but failed.
I had a glorious up bringing. It was full of dark and light. Some might say dramatic but the lessons I have learn't make me the person I am today. For that I will always be thankful. Without it I wouldn't have half the tales to share with my children or all of you.
4 and a half Months ago I was disowned by my mother. Yep. The night of my grandmothers death she disowned me for being selfish and because I deserved to be alone.
That's the first time I have typed that without crying. When you can do that you know you've had a break through moment.
Now I said there won't be any mud slinging and I stick to my word. So if you come for the gossip, you won't find it here. But what I will share is this.. and why do I share? I share in hope that one person will find this tiny blog at the one time that they need it most. So here is my message to that person.
For anyone who has been disowned or cut off from their family.
No you are not OK or fine with this
No this will not be easy
No screaming and shouting will not make it better
Yes it will get dark
Yes you will get angry
Yes you will second guess yourself and double back over every action big and small.
No you won't be able to talk about it. (for awhile atleast anyway)
No you won't look at things the same way again.
No you probably won't ever be the same person again.
Yes some days it will feel lonely
Yes some days you will just cry
Yes some days you'll put on a brave face if just to prove them wrong.
And yes some day in the future you will look back and see the blessing in a painful disguise.
Over the past few months I've learn't that with disownment comes freedom and less expectations.
But above all I've learn't that this is just another way the universe protects us, by putting it's foot down and saying "No More".
And for that I am nothing but grateful.
Maybe you don't see this now, maybe it will take a year or longer. But trust me when I say, there is a blessing in this story and you will uncover it.
Until then be gentle with yourself.
Oceans of Love Cx
CHARLIE EDWARDS - JUST ME BEING MY CLEAR AUTHENTIC SELF.
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